According to school the last couple days, a rumor about me cheating on TJ has ravaged through the IB class. It started because Chelsi and I were fighting, and she wanted to "ruin me." She spread it to her (ex?)boyfriend, who spread it to another kid, who spread it to everyone in IB.
I had warned TJ, because I read the tweet from Chels wanting to "ruin me" and didn't want him to get the initial bad idea. However, even when he heard it, he flipped out. Questioned me. Yesterday he believed me, yesterday he wrote a rant on Facebook about how people should stay out of "us." But today, he wants to see me in person. Today, he wants to hear me say that this rumor isn't true. Because apparently he heard from someone else that the rumor is true.
WHAT THE FUCK.
I'm on the verge of giving up and throwing it all away. I almost want to lie and say it's true but I won't. I had to do a presentation about Anne Sexton today, and the whole time about half the class wasn't paying attention because they were busy discussing my relationship, or at least that's what it felt like.
It sucks knowing everyone's discussing you, and what they say could destroy your happiness. I was so happy, so at peace in my relationship that it was what I looked forward to in this haze I've been in recently. But now? I have nothing: no escape, no tranquility.
Everything is back full circle. That happiness is gone, and so is my security. I'm sick of living life this way. It's just a matter of time. Why not just give up? I'm running out of reasons why not to.
Love,
Caitlyn
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