24 Hours

I leave for NC in the morning, which is twenty four hours from now. I'm definitely freaking out. I freaked out so bad last night I blacked out.

It's been a year. He shouldn't make me feel this way when I think about seeing him. It's like the first winter visit and spring break all over again, except I was nervous about whether or not we'd still like being around each other after months being apart. This time I don't know what's scarier: us seeing each other and coming to the conclusion we can't contact each other any more, or not seeing him at all because he'll refuse to see me.

Tomorrow though is 11/11/11. Magic is supposed to happen. At 11:11 AM I'll have landed and texted him to let him know I wasn't scared away by his comments and I am in fact within twenty minutes of driving distance.

I keep having this thought after I got an email from my UNC Saturday group saying we were so big we had to meet elsewhere: what if he scheduled a time there too? What if he found that loophole before I did? What if I get there, 9:30 AM, and there he is, standing across the room and possibly provoking memories from three and a half years ago?

Three and a half years. That's a long time. For about two and a half of that we shared dreams together, formulated plans for the future. Which would bring me to share my fears of my eighteenth birthday but that's another post for a time after this trip.

Right. School. My quarter grades are 4 A's and 2 D's. Only I could pull that off. And TJ's great. He's got something up his sleeve for our one year I can feel it, and what's better is my mom and stepdad will be in Vegas that weekend. Quelle temps!

I'm lying in bed, again. Three day weekend here I come, I guess. School should be okay. Except for all the homework I have to do. At least I'll be distracted if something goes wrong.

Love,
Caitlyn