Prom

It was a clusterfuck.

Let's start with Thursday. Distracted myself by going to the beach with TJ and a couple friends for three hours. Didn't reapply sunscreen enough. Thought I was okay enough. I wasn't. Ended up getting majorly sunburned and basically my entire left ear is now brand new skin.

Day-of prom. Tried to get over a sunburn on my knees, back, eye (sun-shiner), ear, face, and chest. Nope. Made dinner. Nails done. Rushed through hair and make up to the point where my hair didn't even get to be pinned completely up (UGH). Hit rush hour traffic getting to Katrina's for food and pictures. The rest of the afternoon followed in the same anxious, annoyed suit. THEN prom itself. Total waste of time and $600. If I'd wanted to feel alone and dejected and pissed off and bored, I would've stayed home. I even went on Tumblr. That's how bad it was. So, we got there at around 8:15, and I was ready to leave by 9. Tried going out and dancing some. Didn't really help anything, nor was it exactly fun when all the music is date-grinding music and I didn't have a date. Ended up waiting outside with everyone's stuff until our limo group assembled around 10, where we actually had to wait until 11 to leave because one girl had to break up with her boyfriend and was waiting for a slow song to do it. After prom, I met my "other date" at his house, parked, and he drove us to the hotel, where we proceeded to not get nearly as drunk as I wanted to be (one drink does not equal the half bottle I was hoping for). But the sex was fucking fantastic, and for an hour, I wasn't sad or alone or dejected; I was in pure fucking nirvana (get it? get it?).

However, like all things, it had to come to an end. And now things are just really weird and I don't understand them because I don't really know where I am right now. It's midnight on a Sunday night/Monday morning, and I have my IB French exam in 8 hours but I don't really care. TJ and I are "exclusive" again sort of. We've decided to "work" on things over the summer, see where it goes, no strings attached. Half of me wants it, because he deserves the chance and I want to see it through, and the other half just wants to be alone whilst having beautiful sex. None of this is fair to him, still. Ian is, unfortunately, part of my thought process. Like how pissed I am that prom sucked. How generally sexually frustrated I am because I can't do with TJ what he and I "talked" about. How I know he probably doesn't even give a shit about what this weekend could've been. THEN I FUCKING MESSAGE HIM TONIGHT RIGHT (breaking the two week rule Meredith set in place...I know I know)? And literally all of his responses are less than three words. Most of them involved the word "eh." Like, okay, as much as I want to talk to you, I know when someone would rather not converse with me, and that's the signal I'm getting from you, so I give up. BUT COME ON!

What the fuck, man. Seriously, what the actual fuck.

I have no words currently besides a conglomeration of being really hungry but wanting nothing, desperately needing to cry while falling asleep, and craving "the D" (yes; yes that just happened).

Yeah...I need to go to bed.
Sorry for the weirdness on this one. My bad.
Good news is my birthday is in 20 days.
Plus Trick and FOB concert in just over two weeks.
Graduation in 12ish days.
Summer is almost here.