I had a feeling I was being too much for you. Now I know for sure. I warned you about me getting like this. Clingy, desperate, emotional. I told you long distance wasn't going to be easy, I told you things were going to be different from a normal relationship. You're just not ready.

To be clear, I never asked that you drop everything in your life to talk to me, nor do I want you to. But I also can't stand you doing a million things and not hearing from you pretty much all day. I don't think it's healthy to make each other our absolute number one priority, as you said, but that doesn't mean that other things always come before us. I don't want to feel like I can't come to you because you're doing something else. And I understand that there are things that are important to you that you need to do, and I respect that. Sometimes, I just wish you'd sacrifice something, anything, for me. Just once.

This was what I wanted to avoid. This is why I kept asking if you were sure that being with me was what you wanted. You're still relearning being a boyfriend, and maybe having us long distance was too much too soon for you. Guess that's why you need your time today. Which I'm not against. I completely understand, and whatever you decide, please know that I'll support you.

But I do love you. I know I didn't say that today when we were on the phone, but I have a problem saying "I love you" when I'm upset. That's something I have to fix, but please just know that I do with all of my heart. And I want to do this with you. I want to be with you. I want to work this out because if we can do this, we'll get through anything.

I think that's what scares me more than anything. Because, what if we can't do this? If we can't, then what else is too much for us? And then what?

Maybe we'll be okay. Maybe we'll get through the next few months. Or maybe we won't. Maybe we'll still do prom and feel renewed or whatever and that'll give us what we need to work this out. Or maybe it won't. Maybe we'll have the time of our lives together at Rochester. Or maybe we just won't make it.

I don't know what's worse: feeling like I'm losing you, or feeling like you're already gone. Because over the last 24 hours, I can't tell which is closer to the truth.