Pages 115-116
The angel's wings are torn
She's weeping on the shore
All alone, in the dark
Grains of sand standby
Watching as she cries
There is nothing left
There is nothing left
Of the life she led
Her halo's broken by her side
And there's no reason to try
A hole is dug she crawls inside
Ready and willing to die
All alone, in the dark
Stars are screaming out of the sky
As the angel cries
She softly closes tearful eyes
And lets the world slip by
All alone, in the dark
The footprints wash away
She's all that remains and
Then someone came along
And gave her a new song
He sat with her, in the dark
He said he'd hold her forever
And never leave her side, now
There is nothing left
There is nothing left
Of the life she bled
And she's not alone anymore.
Pages 136-140
I am in a white room
Alone...
I am dancing
Running in circles...
I am frantic...
I can't stop
I don't want to stop
Ever...
What have I done?...
Why, oh God
Did you let him touch me?
Oh God, why
Has the world
Come crashing down on my head
My insides
Are a million microscopic pieces...
WHY, oh God
Are you silent when I'm screaming?...
Taken. Mutilated. Maimed.
(destroyed? am I destroyed?)...
Take this weight away
(oh, it's crushing me)...
Won't someone fix me please?...
I wish I was treasure
I wish I was new
I wish I could dance
Someone stole my dancing shoes
Twirling, in white
Like no one ever touched me
As if I wasn't ruined
As if I never had a price...
Page 141: "HOPE"
Sometimes we forget to look up
I want to have hope
But I'm scared
I'm not familiar with peace
I'm holding on
And I don't know how to let go
...yet
Page 147
LET GO;
I want to hold it for you.
-GOD
Pages 149-155
I see you
And you can't have me
I feel you
Cold shivers down my spine...
You have no place here...
I hate myself! -blank-
Today is just one of those days
Where I hate everything
Somebody help me, leave me alone...
I'M FINE (is that a lie?)...
I did this to myself (or did I?)...
Oh and the chaos...
And I'm drawn to
Dark grays and heavy black
Red and sobbing blue...
Could I live?
Page 157 *note that it's written in blood with blood droplets all over the page*
I'M SORRY I NEEDED TO BLEED...
Page 158
So desperate, so useless and lonely, oh so lonely
Dark and bitter
Sad and bloody...
Am I to let it tear me down,
Bring me to my knees?...
Shut my eyes
Cradle my pain
In my arms...
Pages 162-166
I don't know...
What a terrible mess!...
I talk with a blade against my skin
And eyes that are painted black
Lips that bleed red
Or a big fat smile on my face...
I think you took my breath...
What if my mouth won't open...
Helpless, alone (oh God, oh my God!)...
Why? Why? Why? Why?...
And I'm scared...
Clingy and detached...
And I am an ant under a magnifying glass...
I am shattering.
Pages 171-176
...And did I choose this path
Or was I pushed?...
Blink.
He is walking away
And I scream
And I bleed
As he vanishes behind the door...
-blank- up
It screams
Angry red
Into the sink
Hate life...
He has come to take me away...
I am defiant,
I am feisty (-blank- yeah I am)...
What the -blank- do I do?...
Please
I want to dance, I want to sing
And all that emerges is
Sniffled sobs and broken shards of heart...
Someone to show me how
And here I am,
Dazed and confused.
Pages 178-179
...We self-medicate and shattered
Turn our faces to the sky in silent protest...
But I'm on pins and needles
And I'm dying to bleed...
I've left my razor blades behind
I grab a pencil and some dead trees
And scratch my heartache
Onto them instead
It lacks the power
Of red
And it feels too soft
Too shy and
Unsure.
Page 198
I hurt so bad...
I love you
I hate you
I'm scared
I can't make you stay
I can't make you want it
But I know I do
And I'll do whatever it takes.
Pages 210-216
Last night he came to me
Again
In my sleep...
He seemed so soft, inviting
He was magnetic...
Missing his feel
Missing...
And your lips are haunting
Your lips
Followed by a fist
Confusion
And turmoil and
Chaos...
I never want to sleep again
I don't even want to breathe...
We are not alone in the rooms...
Stay...
I hate my mind...
I hate you...
I want to rain on your parade...
Your sunlight is blinding
And I'm still waiting for rain
Like tears
Falling, falling...
Moody and shifting and restless
And
Appropriate...
Praying for the end...
Keep coming back they say
I'm staring at my arms
Stay, stay
As the cuts fade to scars
And like scars I'm healing
The pain remains
It is my story that I wear
Evident
Burning...
Oh God how long am I going to be beaten
By the waves?...
Scars are just tattoos
With better stories
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