Of Late.

Got my license. Hell yes.

Family drama, so I'm babysitting my mom's cousin's toddler grandson. I love it. He's so full of energy, so unaware of the world falling apart around him. His Gigi comes home, in tears, wondering how she's going to make it with her daughter (his mom), her finances, herself. She and I talk all the time though, and I'm becoming wiser as I listen to all of these issues, so I won't make the same mistakes, and then learn the right thing to do.

TJ and I decided that, the summer after senior year, we'd like to spend about a month in Europe together, jockeying between Italy and France. We're saving now, as it's expensive, and when the time comes to plan we'll see what money's like. The plan is, though, one week in each city: Paris, Nice, Venice, and Rome. I'm beyond excited. Worst case, if we break up between now and then, there's money saved for whatever we may then want.

As of late, I regressed to the '08 me. The one who listens to [fucking amazing] music, the one who plays guitar [like a boss], the one who writes, the one who obsesses over celebrities, and the one who, well, cuts. I've been lower than usual, and with no way to explain it I can't fix it. I won't deny how good it feels afterwards, how for an instant I don't think about anything else, but it's hurting TJ because he thinks it means he isn't good enough. And that alone kills me, because he's all that's good in my life right now. He's the one making me smile every day, the one I look forward to talking to. Without him, I [probably] wouldn't be here. But I've made sure he knows what he does for me, regardless of if I think I deserve his kindness and perfection.

Not much else. I have double hickeys on my neck, one on each side. Not fading. My right upper thigh hurts when I move. I got into a Rochester summer program, class for the AM being Extended Essay Writing for IB and PM is Photography: How to Tell a Story. It's only for a week but that doesn't lower my excitement any.

Love,
Caitlyn