Hey darlin',

Our story has been...crazy, to say the least. We've gone back and forth from friends to lovers more times than I can count, but every time was fun.

It's something I can count on with you, that you're fun. Exciting and enticing. And I enjoy being around you. I've been able to watch you grow and mature, watch you learn to love and care about someone, which is something I'm not taking for granted. You've helped me through the worst times of my life, and I'm eternally grateful for that. As a friend, you were more than I ever could have hoped for, and I only hope I've been as decent with you as you've been with me.

Through the years, and I like to believe you know this, I've been in love with you. It fluctuated as to the amount, but it was always there. It still is there. Last summer, when we were sexting, I was crazy about you, and it felt as though you reciprocated those feelings. When you told me how much you cared about me, how good you thought I looked, how much you'd wanted to be with me (and how much you disliked Graham for stealing me from you), and how much you wanted there to have been no Graham or Monika, it only intensified what I'd been feeling since the previous winter. And then, when in a matter of months neither of them were in our lives anymore, you told me that I was more of a sister to you; that hurt, more than you know. I cried. But, when this past spring came, it felt...right to be with you, despite knowing I was hurting someone I loved.

I don't know why I'm drawn to you, though I wish I did, but I do know that I need to learn to control it. Being with you, despite how perfect it feels for me (I won't speak for you), hurts people I love. And I hate that. I wish I were single at times like these, so that I could sort out my feelings for you on my own without worrying about other people, but I don't have that luxury anymore. I also can't not have you in my life, because you're a crucial piece to who I am. And now, with you leaving in a year from now for college, I don't know what I'll do, but I'm choosing to focus on now and not next year.

I wish you could read this, that I had the balls to text you and tell you what I've written. But I won't, at least not tonight. Maybe one day.

---Cait