Just a quick update. I've decided to open another blog in addition to this one, titled "Love, Interrupted". It's about my struggle with learning to live without Graham as my best friend and lover, and the posts will be daily/as needed. A sort of therapy, if you will. I will still be posting life stuff here, but anything relating to Graham (except the "Love of My Life" parts) will now be posted over at the other blog.
The link is in my link list, but here it is in a second location:
http://caitlyn-loveinterrupted.blogspot.com
I'd appreciate it if you keep reading both!
Love,
Caitlyn
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Death and Disagreement
It's been awhile.
School has kept me very busy, and a conflict with my mother about the internet has had me stay away from blogging for awhile. But I'm back for at least the weekend.
On the Sunday after my last post, my mom had me call Graham to try and talk to him, because the night before he and I had talked and came to the conclusion that when we're done being teenagers, we'll talk. Well when I called, he actually picked up and talked to me, and with the advice of my mom I asked him to try and consider some kind of relationship between us, whether it was just friends or actually being together. He said he needed time to consider it, but we talked a little more about other things. School started for me, and when I came home from the first day he said he had his decision; it's on his most recent blog post.
Meanwhile, I'd been talking to James, which starting Sunday my mom told me I was "forbidden" to do so, and she trusted me with not texting or communicating with him in any way. I, of course, "disobeyed" and talked to him regardless of what she thought. Tuesday after school she was reading my messages over my shoulder while I was texting James, and she pretty much flipped the lid. A screaming match ensued, and at the end of it she changed my phone settings so that any non-approved numbers cannot text me and I can't text those numbers; phone calls are still let through. He and I have continued talking at school and messaging outside of school via YouTube. It's exhausting, but worth it. He recently earned his license and brought home a car, and he had an idea to eventually use that to our advantage but we'll have to wait and see. Sometimes we don't see things the same way, but there really isn't anything I can do about that.
A couple of days ago, my mom got a call from my former dance teacher Miss Gina, saying that one of my friends Matthew's (whose youngest sister takes dance classes) dad passed away this past Monday, and his mom asked that Miss Gina call my mom and have Mom and me attend the funeral, which was today. The service had quite a few people in attendance, and his mom was barely holding it together. I also know both of his sisters, and so I said hi to them and hugged them in addition to Matthew. The pastor that led the service said quite a few sweet things, and when it was my row's turn to view the body I was on the verge of breaking down. On the way out, I hugged Danielle (one of the girls; she was crying alot), Lauren (the other girl and the youngest; she didn't really seem to...understand fully), their mother Diane (she was,again, barely holding it together), and lastly Matthew (he wasn't showing much emotion). When my mom and I left, quite a few things finally registered with me. One, their father was essentially a Mr. Mom and did everything involving the kids and the home. Two, Matthew got his name from his dad (a Sr. and Jr. situation I hadn't known about). The hardest of these registerings was that while all of the people attending that service today are going to go home and live their normal lives, Matthew's family will go home to a fatherless, "inhumanely clean" house. I just messaged Matthew and told him to call me or contact me if he wants to talk or hang out or something, anything I can do to help. While I have no way of knowing what's going on in his mind, I know he's hurting and I really want to help in any way I can.
On an unrelated note, I haven't really been acting like myself lately; I've been overly irritable and "low," and I feel like nothing can make me feel better. The confusing part is that I can't pinpoint the reason why, because I know it's not a result of the funeral. It's just one of those situations where you don't want to talk, and you'd rather have someone just hug you.
Love,
Caitlyn
School has kept me very busy, and a conflict with my mother about the internet has had me stay away from blogging for awhile. But I'm back for at least the weekend.
On the Sunday after my last post, my mom had me call Graham to try and talk to him, because the night before he and I had talked and came to the conclusion that when we're done being teenagers, we'll talk. Well when I called, he actually picked up and talked to me, and with the advice of my mom I asked him to try and consider some kind of relationship between us, whether it was just friends or actually being together. He said he needed time to consider it, but we talked a little more about other things. School started for me, and when I came home from the first day he said he had his decision; it's on his most recent blog post.
Meanwhile, I'd been talking to James, which starting Sunday my mom told me I was "forbidden" to do so, and she trusted me with not texting or communicating with him in any way. I, of course, "disobeyed" and talked to him regardless of what she thought. Tuesday after school she was reading my messages over my shoulder while I was texting James, and she pretty much flipped the lid. A screaming match ensued, and at the end of it she changed my phone settings so that any non-approved numbers cannot text me and I can't text those numbers; phone calls are still let through. He and I have continued talking at school and messaging outside of school via YouTube. It's exhausting, but worth it. He recently earned his license and brought home a car, and he had an idea to eventually use that to our advantage but we'll have to wait and see. Sometimes we don't see things the same way, but there really isn't anything I can do about that.
A couple of days ago, my mom got a call from my former dance teacher Miss Gina, saying that one of my friends Matthew's (whose youngest sister takes dance classes) dad passed away this past Monday, and his mom asked that Miss Gina call my mom and have Mom and me attend the funeral, which was today. The service had quite a few people in attendance, and his mom was barely holding it together. I also know both of his sisters, and so I said hi to them and hugged them in addition to Matthew. The pastor that led the service said quite a few sweet things, and when it was my row's turn to view the body I was on the verge of breaking down. On the way out, I hugged Danielle (one of the girls; she was crying alot), Lauren (the other girl and the youngest; she didn't really seem to...understand fully), their mother Diane (she was,again, barely holding it together), and lastly Matthew (he wasn't showing much emotion). When my mom and I left, quite a few things finally registered with me. One, their father was essentially a Mr. Mom and did everything involving the kids and the home. Two, Matthew got his name from his dad (a Sr. and Jr. situation I hadn't known about). The hardest of these registerings was that while all of the people attending that service today are going to go home and live their normal lives, Matthew's family will go home to a fatherless, "inhumanely clean" house. I just messaged Matthew and told him to call me or contact me if he wants to talk or hang out or something, anything I can do to help. While I have no way of knowing what's going on in his mind, I know he's hurting and I really want to help in any way I can.
On an unrelated note, I haven't really been acting like myself lately; I've been overly irritable and "low," and I feel like nothing can make me feel better. The confusing part is that I can't pinpoint the reason why, because I know it's not a result of the funeral. It's just one of those situations where you don't want to talk, and you'd rather have someone just hug you.
Love,
Caitlyn
Saturday, August 14, 2010
"Now That We're Done"
Everybody get down
She's just a friend, you see
You always agree
You know, I lie
But you still trust me
And you believed, in so much hope
But I'm the one, that let you go
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Whoa, everybody get down
Whoa, everybody get down
Everybody get down
You still call, my phone
'Cause you still want me
I'll tell, my friends
You're so annoying
You'll cry and curse, when you're alone
But laugh and flirt, when you're on the phone
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Whoa, everybody get down
Whoa, everybody get down
Everybody get down
And now I see you, with him
And it was nothing like I thought it'd be
(And I'm breaking)
And now I see you, with him
And it was nothing like I thought it'd be
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Whoa, everybody get down
Whoa, everybody get down
Everybody get down
She's just a friend, you see
You always agree
You know, I lie
But you still trust me
And you believed, in so much hope
But I'm the one, that let you go
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Whoa, everybody get down
Whoa, everybody get down
Everybody get down
You still call, my phone
'Cause you still want me
I'll tell, my friends
You're so annoying
You'll cry and curse, when you're alone
But laugh and flirt, when you're on the phone
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Whoa, everybody get down
Whoa, everybody get down
Everybody get down
And now I see you, with him
And it was nothing like I thought it'd be
(And I'm breaking)
And now I see you, with him
And it was nothing like I thought it'd be
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Now that we're done, I'm so sorry
Why did I lie, I'm so sorry
I know I hurt you, I know I hurt you
Whoa, everybody get down
Whoa, everybody get down
Everybody get down
The Pressure of Traditional Family
As I've shared previously, earlier in the year I reached out to religion and church whole-heartedly in order to get through deep emotional hardship. However, as I began feeling not nearly as attached to church as I used to be, I started faking sicknesses and such just to not have to go to church Sunday mornings. I told my mom that it was just because I wasn't used to a schedule anymore, and so she said that once I came back from TIP and school started, we'd all be going to church again. I, however, am becoming against it.
In a way, church was a detox and rehab facility for me: I needed something drastic to redirect me, something that would give me the skills I have to have in order to properly function. But people don't stay in detox and rehab forever.
Last Sunday, my mom and I didn't go to church, but my stepdad did; I asked Mom why he went, considering he NEVER does anything alone, and she responded with, "Maybe he needed the message today more than I did." And that made sense to me. When I started going to church, the messages were at least touching on sex, and then there was the four-week sex section. It all guided me towards what I needed at the time, and I'm grateful for it. However, after receiving the skills to get through any future situations on my own, I felt (and still feel) that it's not necessary to go to church on Sundays. I still want to be involved in youth group there, and I plan on attending at least the Friday Night Blitz events. I don't believe you need to go to church on Sundays to be religious, but this conflicts with my very traditional family.
You see, my mom has finally found a church she likes, and so she's adamant in going every Sunday when she's up to it. My dad and stepmom are the music directors at another church, and they have to go every Sunday to perform in the praise band. I've talked to both parents about my beliefs and feelings, and they're both stuck in their own opinions and beliefs. My dad has even put going to church every Sunday as a condition for plane tickets. I realize that I can't change their thoughts and opinions, but I just wish they had enough respect for my own thoughts and opinions that they'd allow me to do what I feel is necessary.
I own a copy of the Bible, I enjoy youth group and associated activities; I just do not want to go to church every Sunday morning. If I feel the message is important enough, I'll go.
Two more teenage-related reason for not going to church every Sunday are that 1) I don't really know anyone that goes to Sunday services enough to both talk to them and sit with them, and 2) sleep is important to me and I want to be able to relax on the weekend when I don't have to go to school.
Love,
Caitlyn
In a way, church was a detox and rehab facility for me: I needed something drastic to redirect me, something that would give me the skills I have to have in order to properly function. But people don't stay in detox and rehab forever.
Last Sunday, my mom and I didn't go to church, but my stepdad did; I asked Mom why he went, considering he NEVER does anything alone, and she responded with, "Maybe he needed the message today more than I did." And that made sense to me. When I started going to church, the messages were at least touching on sex, and then there was the four-week sex section. It all guided me towards what I needed at the time, and I'm grateful for it. However, after receiving the skills to get through any future situations on my own, I felt (and still feel) that it's not necessary to go to church on Sundays. I still want to be involved in youth group there, and I plan on attending at least the Friday Night Blitz events. I don't believe you need to go to church on Sundays to be religious, but this conflicts with my very traditional family.
You see, my mom has finally found a church she likes, and so she's adamant in going every Sunday when she's up to it. My dad and stepmom are the music directors at another church, and they have to go every Sunday to perform in the praise band. I've talked to both parents about my beliefs and feelings, and they're both stuck in their own opinions and beliefs. My dad has even put going to church every Sunday as a condition for plane tickets. I realize that I can't change their thoughts and opinions, but I just wish they had enough respect for my own thoughts and opinions that they'd allow me to do what I feel is necessary.
I own a copy of the Bible, I enjoy youth group and associated activities; I just do not want to go to church every Sunday morning. If I feel the message is important enough, I'll go.
Two more teenage-related reason for not going to church every Sunday are that 1) I don't really know anyone that goes to Sunday services enough to both talk to them and sit with them, and 2) sleep is important to me and I want to be able to relax on the weekend when I don't have to go to school.
Love,
Caitlyn
Friday, August 13, 2010
Excuse Me For Realism...
EDIT: on 8/14/10 we are no longer going to Homecoming and Facebook statuses have been changed.
Approximately ten minutes ago, I got off the phone with Graham, and we broke up. Again. However, it's different this time, because I have the hotel and plane tickets booked for his homecoming in October. The plan is to keep Facebook the same so we don't alarm some of our friends and family, but we aren't going to be talking to each other until we absolutely have to.
Early today, he started getting fed up with us being in an open relationship, along with bringing up his never-ending hurt feelings over what happened between James and I last winter. Of course, when he brought up the hurt feelings, he only said it contributed to him getting hurt about this open relationship. So he says that he's pulling the plug on the open relationship, because he claims that either way he's going to get hurt and that he'd rather have the option to punish me for cheating instead of him having to put up with it. I told him that realistically, we're both going to hurt each other again no matter what because there's three years left between now and the end of high school, and the odds of never cheating again are slim to none. He agreed with me, and then turned around and said that in order to preserve his feelings, he's going to run away from our relationship altogether. After about twenty or so minutes of being on the phone, we came to the resolution I posted earlier in this update. The phone conversation ended with him outright hanging up on me because I asked him how he was. Charming.
Honestly, I'm fed up. Really fed up. I'm tired of being used, emotionally abused, and overall being mistreated. I'm really done trying to put up with this on/off relationship. Yes, I still love him, but I'm finished putting my feelings aside so I don't hurt him. I'm ready to start living like a teenager and being the way I'm supposed to be. I will not give in to him if he comes to his senses. I'll see him at Homecoming, and then we're completely over until after high school at the earliest. If anyone that has my number or knows my Facebook reads this, please remind me repeatedly that long distance isn't worth it anymore and give me the reasons why. Thank you.
On a final note, school's on Monday and I cannot wait!
Love,
Caitlyn
Approximately ten minutes ago, I got off the phone with Graham, and we broke up. Again. However, it's different this time, because I have the hotel and plane tickets booked for his homecoming in October. The plan is to keep Facebook the same so we don't alarm some of our friends and family, but we aren't going to be talking to each other until we absolutely have to.
Early today, he started getting fed up with us being in an open relationship, along with bringing up his never-ending hurt feelings over what happened between James and I last winter. Of course, when he brought up the hurt feelings, he only said it contributed to him getting hurt about this open relationship. So he says that he's pulling the plug on the open relationship, because he claims that either way he's going to get hurt and that he'd rather have the option to punish me for cheating instead of him having to put up with it. I told him that realistically, we're both going to hurt each other again no matter what because there's three years left between now and the end of high school, and the odds of never cheating again are slim to none. He agreed with me, and then turned around and said that in order to preserve his feelings, he's going to run away from our relationship altogether. After about twenty or so minutes of being on the phone, we came to the resolution I posted earlier in this update. The phone conversation ended with him outright hanging up on me because I asked him how he was. Charming.
Honestly, I'm fed up. Really fed up. I'm tired of being used, emotionally abused, and overall being mistreated. I'm really done trying to put up with this on/off relationship. Yes, I still love him, but I'm finished putting my feelings aside so I don't hurt him. I'm ready to start living like a teenager and being the way I'm supposed to be. I will not give in to him if he comes to his senses. I'll see him at Homecoming, and then we're completely over until after high school at the earliest. If anyone that has my number or knows my Facebook reads this, please remind me repeatedly that long distance isn't worth it anymore and give me the reasons why. Thank you.
On a final note, school's on Monday and I cannot wait!
Love,
Caitlyn
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Clarity.
School fast approaches, and I'm rather excited for it.
My schedule:
1-AP Psych, Rice
2-AP Lang. and Comp, Winslow
3-AP Euro, Alwood
Lunch A
4-French PIB, Currelly
5-Chemistry PIB, Uchacz
6-Pre-calculus, Miller
To put it simply, I have my work cut out for me. I can't wait for school to start Monday, considering that I'm sick of sitting at home all day long and watching TV while eating junk. School always has been my haven in a way, and after this year I'll be halfway done with ridding myself of high school.
Currently, I'm at Chelsi's house, waiting for her to wake up but I know she won't until probably later considering she was sick last night. I've missed hanging out with her, and I'm thankful we've finally managed to work out our problems with each other so that this year won't end up like last year (considering we had probably at least five or six fights with each other for no reason). I'm also writing essays for AP Language, having done two out of three of them in the past day or so. After, all the work I have left to do for school is the French media and their reviews.
In other news, sleeping well has become rather rare; I fall asleep around eleven, wake up a few times in the night, and become fully awake at around six-ish in the morning. In one respect, I won't be having adjustment issues for when school starts, but I'm not getting a good night's sleep like I should be (and need desperately).
On the Graham front, we've been talking and have come to a mutual agreement of an open relationship with certain conditions. Our decision makes sense to us because of what we know for sure about each other, and what we know is that there's a reason why we were together for so long and fought to stay together in what seemed like hopeless situations. We owe it to at least the relationship itself to work something out between us, because after all we've believed and felt for two years that we're meant for each other, and so we agreed to keep a "happy medium."
It's not as if we've stopped loving each other, or that we've fallen for somebody else; we want to fufill the real us by being with each other yet also fufilling the teenage us that wants to live like a teenager. We know that this way may hurt, but it hurts less than cheating or not being together at all.
So now, I'm still sitting at Chelsi's kitchen table, annotating my background information for my final essay and sad because my former psychologist Ruth Peters passed away as a result of her battle with ovarian cancer quite recently.
Love,
Caitlyn
My schedule:
1-AP Psych, Rice
2-AP Lang. and Comp, Winslow
3-AP Euro, Alwood
Lunch A
4-French PIB, Currelly
5-Chemistry PIB, Uchacz
6-Pre-calculus, Miller
To put it simply, I have my work cut out for me. I can't wait for school to start Monday, considering that I'm sick of sitting at home all day long and watching TV while eating junk. School always has been my haven in a way, and after this year I'll be halfway done with ridding myself of high school.
Currently, I'm at Chelsi's house, waiting for her to wake up but I know she won't until probably later considering she was sick last night. I've missed hanging out with her, and I'm thankful we've finally managed to work out our problems with each other so that this year won't end up like last year (considering we had probably at least five or six fights with each other for no reason). I'm also writing essays for AP Language, having done two out of three of them in the past day or so. After, all the work I have left to do for school is the French media and their reviews.
In other news, sleeping well has become rather rare; I fall asleep around eleven, wake up a few times in the night, and become fully awake at around six-ish in the morning. In one respect, I won't be having adjustment issues for when school starts, but I'm not getting a good night's sleep like I should be (and need desperately).
On the Graham front, we've been talking and have come to a mutual agreement of an open relationship with certain conditions. Our decision makes sense to us because of what we know for sure about each other, and what we know is that there's a reason why we were together for so long and fought to stay together in what seemed like hopeless situations. We owe it to at least the relationship itself to work something out between us, because after all we've believed and felt for two years that we're meant for each other, and so we agreed to keep a "happy medium."
It's not as if we've stopped loving each other, or that we've fallen for somebody else; we want to fufill the real us by being with each other yet also fufilling the teenage us that wants to live like a teenager. We know that this way may hurt, but it hurts less than cheating or not being together at all.
So now, I'm still sitting at Chelsi's kitchen table, annotating my background information for my final essay and sad because my former psychologist Ruth Peters passed away as a result of her battle with ovarian cancer quite recently.
Love,
Caitlyn
Monday, August 2, 2010
Heart, Heart, Heartbreak
As it turns out, I wasn't the only one in the relationship with certain qualms.
In my post about TIP, I mentioned breaking up with Graham but still being friends with him and being able to visit him, considering he's a man that's hard to live without (aka impossible). Well, yesterday afternoon, we talked a little about things (I even brought up how I could go to his Homecoming dance and the plane tickets were cheap), and then we progressed to discussing our relationship. Graham said how he originally had thought that either we could be fully together or not at all, but then he brought up how I had [stupidly] brought up that "regardless of our situation I could be having a friends with benefits situation." This statement totally changed his point of view, and he went off saying how he can't trust me now and that now just isn't the right time for us and that "maybe we'll find each other again" or "maybe we can work again in the future." The word "maybe" is loaded; it gives false hope in a situation where the person that said it actually does not intend to do the thing(s) he/she said they'd do.
At first, all he could talk about were the trust issues we had and how he didn't exactly enjoy TIP with me, and then he went on to say this in our text conversation last night:
Graham: What if I wanted to date other girls? Or if I was considering suicide and was just doing this so you wouldn't be notified? How would we work it out then?
Me (after establishing that he wasn't suicidal): Okay... Are you thinking about dating other girls?
Graham: Not particularly, but I do want to live a more normal life.
Me: Oh. You could have said so though.
Graham: Alot of these things aren't premeditated.
Me: Does it really matter? After all I never really had a chance.
Graham: I'm sorry I gave you false hope
Me: I'm sorry I trusted you [with my heart, with everything I had, with my life]
Graham: I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
After about a half hour of just sitting there, I left a voicemail on his cell before I went to bed, saying how essentially all I wanted was for him to be happy and to live a happy life.
Is it sad and pathetic that even though he's made it clear to me he wants nothing to do with me at this time, I'm still sitting around and waiting for a call or text or something? Is it sad and pathetic that I'm terrified of telling my parents and my friends? Is it said and pathetic that, at this point, I would do anything just for him to take me back? I finally get what I thought I wanted, and now I just don't want it.
Late last night when I couldn't sleep [because I was crying too damn much], I texted James and asked him how he dealt with the Monika thing (considering it essentially mirrors my situation). He replied with "I actually wasn't sad after the first day. It felt like a relief. It was unhealthy the way I lived and died for her. I gave up happiness to please her. Once she left, so to speak, I was free to live for and love myself." I thanked him for the advice, and I wake up this morning actually thinking that I might be okay on my own. However, it comes with the price that I might find somebody else to love for the rest of my life and marry, because I am not going to sit around and wait for Graham to get over himself.
I end this post praying that I can heal, and praying that I can actually get work done today for school.
Love,
Caitlyn
In my post about TIP, I mentioned breaking up with Graham but still being friends with him and being able to visit him, considering he's a man that's hard to live without (aka impossible). Well, yesterday afternoon, we talked a little about things (I even brought up how I could go to his Homecoming dance and the plane tickets were cheap), and then we progressed to discussing our relationship. Graham said how he originally had thought that either we could be fully together or not at all, but then he brought up how I had [stupidly] brought up that "regardless of our situation I could be having a friends with benefits situation." This statement totally changed his point of view, and he went off saying how he can't trust me now and that now just isn't the right time for us and that "maybe we'll find each other again" or "maybe we can work again in the future." The word "maybe" is loaded; it gives false hope in a situation where the person that said it actually does not intend to do the thing(s) he/she said they'd do.
At first, all he could talk about were the trust issues we had and how he didn't exactly enjoy TIP with me, and then he went on to say this in our text conversation last night:
Graham: What if I wanted to date other girls? Or if I was considering suicide and was just doing this so you wouldn't be notified? How would we work it out then?
Me (after establishing that he wasn't suicidal): Okay... Are you thinking about dating other girls?
Graham: Not particularly, but I do want to live a more normal life.
Me: Oh. You could have said so though.
Graham: Alot of these things aren't premeditated.
Me: Does it really matter? After all I never really had a chance.
Graham: I'm sorry I gave you false hope
Me: I'm sorry I trusted you [with my heart, with everything I had, with my life]
Graham: I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
After about a half hour of just sitting there, I left a voicemail on his cell before I went to bed, saying how essentially all I wanted was for him to be happy and to live a happy life.
Is it sad and pathetic that even though he's made it clear to me he wants nothing to do with me at this time, I'm still sitting around and waiting for a call or text or something? Is it sad and pathetic that I'm terrified of telling my parents and my friends? Is it said and pathetic that, at this point, I would do anything just for him to take me back? I finally get what I thought I wanted, and now I just don't want it.
Late last night when I couldn't sleep [because I was crying too damn much], I texted James and asked him how he dealt with the Monika thing (considering it essentially mirrors my situation). He replied with "I actually wasn't sad after the first day. It felt like a relief. It was unhealthy the way I lived and died for her. I gave up happiness to please her. Once she left, so to speak, I was free to live for and love myself." I thanked him for the advice, and I wake up this morning actually thinking that I might be okay on my own. However, it comes with the price that I might find somebody else to love for the rest of my life and marry, because I am not going to sit around and wait for Graham to get over himself.
I end this post praying that I can heal, and praying that I can actually get work done today for school.
Love,
Caitlyn
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