EDIT: I ended up calling his parents, but it turned out he was exaggerating about the whole thing to anyone that would listen and he was actually suicidal back in the spring.
I believe that now would be one of those times where I use my blog for what I said it was going to be for in the first place. I won't reveal names in this blog post in order to keep a little privacy for those involved.
I'm going to start with a text conversation from last night as a prelude to what this is going to be about.
Him: Heh. You're insane. As for my subconscious targeting of girls: I've had two serious relationships in high school, the one right now and one from October to November, and she dumped me for another guy. So your theory sucks. As for me being God's gift to earth, we both know that's not true. I act like a pompous asshole because without the facade I'm powerless. People don't know this, and that's how I like it. Drop out is you want, I might be dead before then.
Me: Dead. I know you could care less about me but don't scare me -name here-. And you wouldn't be powerless.
Him: You think I'm trying to scare you... You know so little about me. I would be [powerless], this is non-negotiable.
Me: I don't think you're trying to scare me. Why would you be dead?
Him: Because depending on how low I sink, I might just speed up the process of decomposition about eighty years.
Me: Why though.
Him: You promise never to tell a soul?
Me: You know I won't tell.
Him: Right. Because I have no will to live. I used to have a strong grounding in the world, of right and wrong, about love. Then my parents split, and everything fell apart. I don't know what love really is, and I don't see myself having a future. I feel that I'm just going to end up worthless.
Me: Don't you ever say that. You matter to people. Aren't you your mother's only child? If you can't live for yourself then live for the people that love you, regardless of your thoughts on love. I don't know how you are about religion right now but God is always there and he has a plan for you and it isn't death so young.
Him: They'll get by. And no offense but I've had religion thrown at me so much over the last few days it's becoming rather boring. You're not gonna talk me out of this, sorry.
Me: -name here- you are worth something. You've been given an intelligence that was meant for something other than plotting your own demise.
Him: An intelligence squandered by a complete lack of desire to utilize it.
Me: Just give things time. It may take years but they get better.
Me: Remember wanting to be a brain surgeon with your own album? You wanted something.
Him: And now I don't care.
Me: Somewhere you do. It takes time. Don't die.
Him: What happens will happen.
Me: Try and open up, let life in. Good things happen.
Him: Mmhm, whatever you say.
Me: Give it a shot. You have nothing left to lose.
Him: Yep.
Me: Try? For your girlfriend?
Him: And this is what saved you, eh?
Me: I was feeling this way too before church. Before opening my life up.
Him: And the church saves another.
Me: Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. Don't give up just yet, if for nothing but your future wife and children that were supposed to be with you. I'm here if you'd like to talk, no matter what.
Him: I'll keep that in mind.
Summary: this person I care about, that I love, is thinking about suicide. What would you do if someone that had a part of you and you had a part of them was considering taking their own life?
I'm trying everything I can to stop him from doing this, or at least rethink what he wants to do. I've, as you see, thrown religion at him, the possibility of a better future, and today I asked about a girl he's said he loves that lives awhile away, apparently. While they love each other, they admit that they can't handle a long distance relationship and so they've limited themselves to the summers to be together and later on when they're old enough to move out. Since he hasn't had the chance to actually be with her, I brought that up as another reason; he's already talked to her about it, and it really didn't improve the outcome.
I have no idea what to do. Since I know he doesn't care about what I feel on the situation, it would be null and void to try using my feelings on him dying. I care about him very much, to the point that I was on my knees last night, crying without end and praying for fifteen minutes. I can't function normally, and I'm worried out of my mind. I'm scared to death that he's going to go through with it, because I know that he's capable of great things in this life, and he's willing to throw all that away because of something that's totally possible to get over; I know it takes time to get over things, and that's what I've been trying to tell him over and over, but I'm starting to get terrified of not being able to get through to him at all whatsoever.
I told my mother that I had a friend thinking about suicide (didn't tell her who it was, either) and she suggested calling a suicide hotline or maybe reporting it or even telling his parents. I don't know how bad the situation is because he won't open himself up to talk about it in complete honesty. That's why it seems like I know so little about him, because he never opens up.
I care too much for my own good maybe, but that doesn't mean I can't try.
Love,
Caitlyn
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