After much internal debate and questioning of my peers, I decided to contact Graham for the first time in two months. The first call went straight to voicemail. That was going to be it. Then I asked TJ, who said I should call again the next day. I did. In response, I got a media message from Graham that was ultimately "unable to be retrieved." I asked, "Hello?" to that, and after ten minutes I fell asleep. I woke up to a message from his girlfriend asking "don't you have a boyfriend of your own to stalk?" on my phone and this on Facebook:
"Hey, the reason I am not going to talk to you is because it makes Blair uncomfortable, and unlike you while we were dating I'm going to abide by my significant others wishes. one of the only fights I've had with her was when she found out that I had been talking to you, which I thought was harmless conversation but she saw as going behind her back. The whole time I couldn't stop thinking about how mad I got when you would talk to you ex's without telling me, especially when I had specifically told you not to. Another thing is the message that you sent me last November. That crossed the line. I'm not going to start that kind of drama. I love Blair and that isn't changing. the bottom line is that I would love to be friends if you could keep it at that and if it didn't cause problems, but that is likely never going to happen because I plan on staying with Blair the whole ride. Have a good evening, Bye Caitlyn"
Since he blocked me on Facebook, I responded with this via text when I woke up (5:30ish):
"I'm sorry it came to this. I'm sorry she thinks I'm stalking you, because there's more to this than that. Bottom line for me is I want you to be happy. And over the past year whenever we talked however brief you expressed an interest in keeping contact with me until she became involved. Not blaming her, though. I know what that side is like, too. I would love to be friends, because I don't believe in burning bridges, but if that can't happen, I have to accept it. There's a million things I'd like to get off my chest that only you hearing them would solve, but if that can't happen either then I need to accept that too. Again, bottom line, you need to be happy. And if she makes you happy, then I wish you two the best. I hope your life, in the present and future, is all you want it and need it to be."
No response until nearly 1pm:
"Can you do me a favor? Stop popping up like this. It causes problems in my life that I really want to avoid. I don't want to talk to you, and I will never be involved with you romantically or otherwise, regardless of my relationship status. I was over you over a year ago, and I suggest you do the same"
I was reeling with a mixture of many emotions. Confusion, anger, sadness, hurt. My friends were telling me to tell him "Fuck you" amongst numerous other...mean things. But I didn't want to fight dirty. It was important to me, as it remains important to me, to keep things civil, regardless of how upset he gets or how annoyed his girlfriend gets. So I typed this back:
"You have led me to believe that you wanted to talk. You wanted to be Facebook friends in September. You told me you visited where you proposed to me. You agreed it was a good idea we see each other. You asked my advice while you were at TIP. You were friendly. You said you cared. Don't pretend none of that happened in the last 12 months. I do not want a romantic relationship. I just want an OPEN DOOR for some type, any type of us getting along. I find it hard to believe with how upset you get with me that you're over our relationship. But fine, Graham. I'll stop popping up."
Now hours later, nothing, not that I expected anything. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm right in at least half of that message, and I know that the post about my shrinking their relationship is at least partially true as well. He can deny it however he wants, so long as he's happy and not giving me hell. It hurt this morning. I cried in the shower for awhile instead of actually getting ready. Now it's just kinda almost laughable. Poor things. I feel so much better now! Just better not have any unwelcome dreams...
Funny how "American Pie" by Don McClean was playing the whole time while I posted this.
Love,
Caitlyn
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