One night, I took a picture of myself looking rather pregnant. It was on Facebook for all of maybe ten or fifteen minutes before my mom made me take it down.
Originally, I was very bored and I wanted to entertain myself; I added Graham to it because he, too, sounded a tad bored to me. As I was about to send it to him, I figured why not put it on Facebook. Got to get a little fun out of it, right? That harmless prank, in my eyes, turned into a "plot" of sorts to get girls where Graham lives to stay away from him. As soon as the latest purpose for the picture started working, I had to delete it.
Graham, as I've said before, lives in North Carolina, and I am in Florida, so some aspects of our relationship are harder than others. When we both were committed to each other, I knowingly signed up for the girls where he lives to be flirty, attracted to him even, but when he's friends with the girls that are flirting with him and attracted to him, that's where I draw the line to my sanity. I had thought that if they all knew that he had a pregnant fiance, then they'd back off, but as you readers know, that didn't happen.
A deal has been made for him to stop talking to any other girl that has been known to flirt with him or be attracted to him, but when this picture went up, I struck up a conversation with the girl in his life that I disliked the most: Lauren. Not only were they friends, but she was attracted to him, and he was attracted to her. Later I found out that she had kissed him, that their legs had been intertwined together, and that he had gotten a somewhat erection from the friction. But still, after talking to her I decided to let up on his restriction of her.
What really sucks is that I can't get the thought of them out of my head. I mean, I know I've done alot to Graham in the past few months (more on this in "Him" part 2), but I was never actually attracted to anyone I did something with. There's a difference in acknowledging someone is good-looking by any standards and thinking someone is attractive by personal standards, isn't there?
I wish he could just stop making me feel bad about wanting him to stop being around girls that pose problems. I've completely stopped being around guys that could pose problems to him, so why can't he do the same for me? I mean, I'm not scared that he'd leave me for one of those girls, I'm not scared that he'd more seriously cheat on me with one of those girls, but it's just one of those things that comes along with being in a long distance relationship. If he lived here or I lived there, we wouldn't be having these issues, but unfortunately the world hates us enough to keep us apart until we both hit eighteen.
Love,
Caitlyn
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