Somebody

So, as an update to GRADE in case whoever's reading this isn't updating on my social networks, I GOT ACCEPTED!!! I creeped on my online financial aid and found that my scholarship had changed to the GRADE scholarship, meaning that yes, I'M IN GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!! Then my letter came that afternoon.

It's exhilarating to know just where I'm going to be in 4, 5, and 6 years for certain. As detailed in many previous posts, I guess you could say I have a fetish for planning and creating a future for myself, but this time my new future has nothing to do with another person; it's solely to do with me. And I love that.

Speaking of other people, my break-up with TJ has been alright. I hate to say it, but I'm really happier. More free. I suppose that's a good thing, considering all the doubts I've had in the more recent past about us. He seems to be taking things alright as well, something I'm particularly grateful for. I still care for him very much, and to see him hurt hurts me, too. We've decided to try and be friends, or at least friendly towards each other. I'm paying him back for my prom ticket, and his mom hasn't really come off in any way to me since I know she knows we broke up. My mom's more okay with it I guess, too. Not that any of it matters, besides me. I wasn't okay with our relationship by its end, and to be okay now is all that counts. A relationship is two people, and if half of that couple is distressed in the relationship and nothing is fixing it, then it's time to let it go. Both TJ and I need some time to ourselves, ready ourselves for the next stage in our lives but without each other. But even though we're trying to be friends and such, it's beginning to hit me that there are things that can't stay the same. I can't always drive him home. I can't keep changing in front of him at his house before work. We can't go through with that joint graduation party. And...we can't go to prom together. To pretend that things just go back to the way they were before won't work. It confuses us, TJ especially since I was the one who broke up with him. I'll dance with him if he asks, I'll be okay around him, but we can't go together.

Which...brings me to Ian. For a quick/painless summary, we met on Facebook via the Rochester page because of a post I made about GRADE, since he applied and got an interview, too. Since then we've talked, probably more than appropriate. We hung out for the majority of our time visiting the campus for our interviews, and I was his ride to and from the airport. He's just amazing, he really is. You know that checklist every girl has over time, racking up qualities that she wants the "perfect guy" to have? Well he has all of them, and I wasn't even looking for anything of the sort (he's even a grammar Nazi like me). Obviously I wasn't, considering I've only been single for a week. I want time to myself to sort things out alone, then maybe I'll think about a relationship. But, I'd be lying if I said that I don't want to be with Ian. We've contemplated him coming down around my 18th birthday, considering we'd both be of-age by then. We've talked about him coming down for my prom (I'd go up for his but it's the evening following an afternoon exam at school and getting there would be impossible), and it's becoming more and more of a possibility. Worst case scenario is the next time we see each other would be in about 5 months since that's move-in day for school, and then there's a road of 5-6 years of Rochester together (he was admitted into GRADE, too [GO IAN!!!]). We have time; that's the important part. I don't want to rush things and then everything fall apart in a few months. I refuse to let that happen. For the first time in a very, very long time, things feel right here. But I really can't say any more. [I could go on and on and on about Ian all damn day but that's rather time consuming isn't it?]

On another note, school's finishing up quite nicely. One more week before spring break, then break, then all of April pretty much is review for exams, and May is all exams before senior check-out the 22nd. Just biding my time.