Summer's setting in. I've been doing quite a bit of nothing except picking up yoga (courtesy of my amazing cousin Brianne) and planning out trips for next summer.
But while I've been home, TJ's been gone with his grandparents a three-hour drive away. It took, like, two days for me to start wanting him home. He comes home today, and it's been 5ish days since I've seen him. This isn't good. I mean, I'm glad he's coming home, but this reaction of mine signals feelings I haven't felt in two years. Distance is a bitch. And now I'm going to be gone next week for 5 days, and a couple weeks after that I'll be gone for a month.
As long as we each stay busy, it'll distract us, but it's impossible to be busy 100% of the time. And the last thing I want to happen for our relationship is for it to turn into exactly what I had before with a long distance relationship. I know that this is only for the summer, but what about college? What about, at "worst,"if I go to Rochester and he goes to the University of Chicago? That's a ten hour drive either direction. I really don't want to do that again.
But that doesn't mean I think we should break up after senior year. There's so much we don't know about our future that it'd be silly to do anything except continue doing what we've been doing. I'm happy for the progress we've made. I've allowed myself to begin picturing a future with TJ, something that wasn't very easy to do. I'm looking forward to that future, but I remain wary and thus not as attached as I'd gotten in my prior relationship. I know things can change in the blink of an eye, and all I have to do is remember it. Whatever happens, happens. I can't control what TJ does or doesn't do, I can only hope that he thinks the same way as I do and feels the same way about me that I feel about him.
On a lighter note, I have all the money for my tattoo, and I emailed the artist who will be designing it and inking me. After that, it's just a matter of time. This year is my last year of dance; I just...can't waste my time with it anymore. As much as I love dancing, I don't have the time to spend standing around talking when I could be doing homework or studying for tests. It fueled my transition into yoga, which is a more lifelong practice and it successfully destresses me. It truly does wonders.
I've forgotten how much I love summer.
Love,
Caitlyn
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