To Graham (again)

First off, I want to apologize for the way I reacted the other night. Please allow me the chance to explain and elaborate.

I did not appreciate your girlfriend telling me to essentially "fuck off." I do not and have not spoken to her that way, and if she had talked with me intelligently I would be more than willing to hear her side of things. Until that happens, let's keep this between the two of us.

I'm going to be brutally honest, about my opinions on the both of us. Did you forget I intend to be a psychology major and can very accurately pick up on what people say and in what manner? I figured you had.

During our conversation Friday night, it became incredibly obvious that you definitely still have feelings for me, and that you don't need to see me for that to be both clear and certain of that. What you tell your girlfriend about your heart is your business, but I know better. Always have. If you were over me, you wouldn't still be hurt by a mistake I made two years ago. The reason I wonder what would happen if we saw each other is that I don't know what I feel for you. I'm hurt by what you did to me, and I like to think that I'm healing, but I'm aware a connection like what we had never goes away. Would you rather be married or in a real, serious relationship one day and randomly bump into each other on the street and hash it out there, or would you rather get this out of the way young? I vote young. If we end up realizing at this get-together that we have feelings for each other still, then we can figure it out without having our hormones and subsequent feelings taking over. I know in every fiber of my being that we're able to be mature enough to handle this in a healthy manner. I mean, chances are I will be going to UNC for 5 years, living off campus and establishing residency, so I'll be in the area for awhile.

If seeing me is what you truly want to do, then do it regardless of what your girlfriend says. It's about you, becoming emotionally healthy, is it not? I don't intend or want to do anything physical or questionable with you. There is nothing wrong with having a conversation with someone you had a deep, deep connection with. In the movie The Break-Up, at the end, the former couple runs into each other on the street and makes a "date" for coffee or something like that. That's all I want to do: make a "date" to be friends, or at least establish some kind of definition on what we can be. If she can't trust you to be alone with me, to the point where she curses me out, then that's a very, very obvious flaw and conflict in your relationship.

On your own, you expressed to me wanting to see me for closure, but with your girlfriend present you say "I think a year's long enough." On your own, you're friendly, open, and joking with me, but when with her you say we can never be friends. In addition to being friendly with me when you're alone, when you're with her you're snappy and rude. Do you have any idea what you did to me? How far you set me back? Yet you claim not to care. How could you not care, Graham?

Out of respect to our former relationship, I ask that we still see each other on November 11th. You and I both know that we need it, with the best case scenario being that we can finally put what we both did to each other behind us and move on.

Speaking of our past, I don't appreciate your girlfriend having my necklace. My mom told me. Don't you remember the meaningful story behind it, how it was my 6-month/Christmas present? Remember your intention to put a tiny third heart attached on the bottom? Yeah. Giving her my necklace doesn't say "I respect a former love, who I thought was the love of my life." Also, I wonder what happened to the ring, the blanket, and the pillow. Ya know?

In addition, and in my final statement, I'm not getting the vibe you love her. In fact, I'm getting a "I'm only with her so I can get laid and I'm turning into a pig" vibe. If you loved her, you'd go home more than the standard "I have to go home once a month" weekend to see her. If you loved her, you would have found a way to give her a different necklace than the one that you know constantly reminds you of me. If you loved her, you'd be honest with her about every last detail, because that's what a real relationship is. Also, because of how you treated me the other night, I picked up on the "I'm only saying these things and reacting this way because she told me to and if I don't I won't be having sex."

I apologize if any of this has offended you. I just needed to get that all out in the open. If I never hear from you again, even after you read this, know that a part of my heart will always have your name on it and our relationship had a profound impact on my life, and for that I thank you. I apologize for all the hurt I've caused you, and I wish you the best. If you could just comment here or text me to let me know you actually read this, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Because I do, in fact, think I'll hear from you, I look forward to hearing your response.

Sincerely,
Luna