I look like freaking Taylor Swift reincarnated. It's scary. My hair, makeup, dress, nails, accessories. Everything. And the worst part is that I didn't do in on purpose. So, so weird.
Apparently, tonight's the night Graham breaks up with Libby; I can only hope, right? All I can do is hope and pray that Graham comes to me sooner than 15 days from now, and then after that not be a manwhore, but I understand I can't control him and push him for what I want. It'll all be worth it in the end.
But...tonight. I look gorgeous, there will be pictures (I promise), and probably tomorrow I'll have them posted because, alas, I have no plans for Halloween, but whatever! I'd rather be blogging and doing homework because of how much of a nerd I am.
Chelsi and I have started a blog together over at http://ourcreativedifferences.blogspot.com and it's purpose is to talk about the types of guys and how to deal with them. We don't really know where it will go, but hopefully it just goes!
Off to complete getting ready and preparing for dancing. Chels and I will be heartbreakers :)
Love,
Caitlyn
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
A New Perspective...kind of
I broke up with TJ last night. My general reason for doing so is that being in a relationship with him is awkward, because we've been friends before, but more specific reasons are that whenever I want to sleep/be cute, he pokes me and wakes me up, proceeding to prod me for sexual acts (which I refused to do). I want a boyfriend that can be okay with being cute and letting me sleep in his arms, not someone that wants me awake only for his benefit. So last night, we broke up, today at school I got my homecoming ticket from him (Homecoming is Saturday and there will be pictures I promise!), and we just finished discussing the plans for homecoming night: we aren't going together, but we may see each other there and hang out or something. I'm officially going stag, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my weekend!
Tomorrow I'm taking the day off of school tomorrow to do some homework, but that night two big things are happening: Chelsi and I are going to my church's International Festivale all night, and then she's sleeping over. Saturday is the big day, and after my psychologist appointment (at 8AM!) Chelsi and I are going to hang out and then get ready for homecoming together! I am so unbelievably stoked! Sunday is Halloween, and I'm trying to throw something together last minute just in case.
So then we're back to Graham I guess. Last night we spent awhile talking and discussing what we're going to do in order to start over our relationship. He said he needs time to go through his three steps: break up with Libby, finish up anything else (aka manwhoring around, which includes hanging out with girls after school), and then talk to his parents about visitation. He said last night that if I can accept that he needs time, then he's all mine, like today right this second. However I had some conditions: I won't be with him while he's in a relationship, and I consider anything after school close to a relationship, but if he can keep all his whoring around stuff in school (I'm trying my best to treat it like a job). He said it'd take up to two weeks to break up with Libby, and so we eventually decided that in three weeks (well, 17 days) we will officially be together again and be starting over in our relationship, although until our visits are reinstated he'll be whoring around at school (when the next 17 days are up he'll be talking to his parents about visits, which my mom is okay with being once every two months, and so two weeks before our first planned visit he stops the whoring around for good).
I know I'll be alright and that I can deal with all of this, but it still hurts that he just can't give it all up in 17 days when we start over. I want to be with him so bad it hurts, literally, and as a result I kind of feel like I'm settling with my thoughts on the situation just so I know we can be together. I'm thankful Graham's back in my life, and I'm praying for good, but I can't help wanting more from him. I'm trying really hard to keep these feelings to myself, because I don't want to risk him walking away again, and so blogging about my struggle is my happy medium. Hopefully I won't have to wait very long until we can be together and finally be alright again.
I'm working on improving my Pre-Calc Honors grade; last quarter I received a D (wonder why...), and so in order to pass for the semester (because I have to or else I get pulled from IB...yikes!) I need at least a 72 C this quarter and a C on the midterm. Right now my grade is a 76 C, so I'm really hopeful thus far. The rest of my grades are secure A's and B's, which for having three AP and two other PIB courses is pretty awesome. My current weighted GPA is 3.9166, which is a miracle I must say.
At youth group last night, we had to go into the bible and find a passage that spoke to us and write about it. Considering I don't know the bible very well, I just opened it and found quite a few relevant chapters and verses: Proverbs 5:1-23, 6:20-35, and 7:1-27. They're pretty epic just to read, so please read them, even if you aren't that religious or atheistic. But they really made my night, and even I particularly enjoyed them.
Off for now and I'll be back soon.
Love,
Caitlyn
Tomorrow I'm taking the day off of school tomorrow to do some homework, but that night two big things are happening: Chelsi and I are going to my church's International Festivale all night, and then she's sleeping over. Saturday is the big day, and after my psychologist appointment (at 8AM!) Chelsi and I are going to hang out and then get ready for homecoming together! I am so unbelievably stoked! Sunday is Halloween, and I'm trying to throw something together last minute just in case.
So then we're back to Graham I guess. Last night we spent awhile talking and discussing what we're going to do in order to start over our relationship. He said he needs time to go through his three steps: break up with Libby, finish up anything else (aka manwhoring around, which includes hanging out with girls after school), and then talk to his parents about visitation. He said last night that if I can accept that he needs time, then he's all mine, like today right this second. However I had some conditions: I won't be with him while he's in a relationship, and I consider anything after school close to a relationship, but if he can keep all his whoring around stuff in school (I'm trying my best to treat it like a job). He said it'd take up to two weeks to break up with Libby, and so we eventually decided that in three weeks (well, 17 days) we will officially be together again and be starting over in our relationship, although until our visits are reinstated he'll be whoring around at school (when the next 17 days are up he'll be talking to his parents about visits, which my mom is okay with being once every two months, and so two weeks before our first planned visit he stops the whoring around for good).
I know I'll be alright and that I can deal with all of this, but it still hurts that he just can't give it all up in 17 days when we start over. I want to be with him so bad it hurts, literally, and as a result I kind of feel like I'm settling with my thoughts on the situation just so I know we can be together. I'm thankful Graham's back in my life, and I'm praying for good, but I can't help wanting more from him. I'm trying really hard to keep these feelings to myself, because I don't want to risk him walking away again, and so blogging about my struggle is my happy medium. Hopefully I won't have to wait very long until we can be together and finally be alright again.
I'm working on improving my Pre-Calc Honors grade; last quarter I received a D (wonder why...), and so in order to pass for the semester (because I have to or else I get pulled from IB...yikes!) I need at least a 72 C this quarter and a C on the midterm. Right now my grade is a 76 C, so I'm really hopeful thus far. The rest of my grades are secure A's and B's, which for having three AP and two other PIB courses is pretty awesome. My current weighted GPA is 3.9166, which is a miracle I must say.
At youth group last night, we had to go into the bible and find a passage that spoke to us and write about it. Considering I don't know the bible very well, I just opened it and found quite a few relevant chapters and verses: Proverbs 5:1-23, 6:20-35, and 7:1-27. They're pretty epic just to read, so please read them, even if you aren't that religious or atheistic. But they really made my night, and even I particularly enjoyed them.
Off for now and I'll be back soon.
Love,
Caitlyn
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
When was my last quality post?
It's been crazy here. Twitter account in case you haven't noticed, and I update as regularly as I can. Plus I can post with texts for small updates.
Deleted my Love, Interrupted blog. It's just too sad and I don't want to deal with it. That, and I was ignoring this lovely piece of work for far too long.
School's been alright, except nothing's the same without Graham. I miss him to death, and we're currently trying to be closer and whatnot, but it's going to be a long time before we get back to where we were before considering we decided that if we do decide to get back together we're starting over.
I'm with TJ now, and the relationship itself helps me feel better about where I am in life, but I'm not attracted to TJ, and with Homecoming fast approaching and his birthday right after that there isn't a good time to break us up.
On September 18, I attempted suicide by swallowing 24 aspirin, the next day going into the hospital for hearing loss and general vertigo/nausea. I am fine now, and physically it's like the attempt never happened, and while I'm in therapy and such, I sometimes feel like everything would be better if I had died. I went to a nutritionist and she found that not only is my brain addicted to casomorphine (protein found in dairy products), but my liver doesn't detoxify. Woot.
Meanwhile, James and I are close, and after talking rather deeply and extensively we've come to a conclusion of sorts that we consider each other siblings rather than members of the opposite sex (quote from him: "I don't even see you as a girl anymore, it's like you're my sister.") Lately it's been really nice to have him around to just talk to, you know? He's the light in my life for the moment, however cliched/clingy that may sound.
Currently doing homework so I better focus on that! I'll be updating as soon as I can.
Love,
Caitlyn
Deleted my Love, Interrupted blog. It's just too sad and I don't want to deal with it. That, and I was ignoring this lovely piece of work for far too long.
School's been alright, except nothing's the same without Graham. I miss him to death, and we're currently trying to be closer and whatnot, but it's going to be a long time before we get back to where we were before considering we decided that if we do decide to get back together we're starting over.
I'm with TJ now, and the relationship itself helps me feel better about where I am in life, but I'm not attracted to TJ, and with Homecoming fast approaching and his birthday right after that there isn't a good time to break us up.
On September 18, I attempted suicide by swallowing 24 aspirin, the next day going into the hospital for hearing loss and general vertigo/nausea. I am fine now, and physically it's like the attempt never happened, and while I'm in therapy and such, I sometimes feel like everything would be better if I had died. I went to a nutritionist and she found that not only is my brain addicted to casomorphine (protein found in dairy products), but my liver doesn't detoxify. Woot.
Meanwhile, James and I are close, and after talking rather deeply and extensively we've come to a conclusion of sorts that we consider each other siblings rather than members of the opposite sex (quote from him: "I don't even see you as a girl anymore, it's like you're my sister.") Lately it's been really nice to have him around to just talk to, you know? He's the light in my life for the moment, however cliched/clingy that may sound.
Currently doing homework so I better focus on that! I'll be updating as soon as I can.
Love,
Caitlyn
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