How I Used To Be

So with nothing to really left to do or check online, I started looking up things on some of my favorite bands, and I'm sure you all know by now that I eventually zeroed in on Fall Out Boy.

I'm not really sure if I have a post out yet on how much that band's music (mostly Patrick's voice, among other characteristics of his) helped me in the past, so I'll just sum that up really quickly. Essentially, in seventh grade and the following summer before my first TIP term, I was a wreck to put it bluntly and the only thing I could console myself with besides cutting was Patrick Stump, lead singer/rhythm guitar player of Fall Out Boy. I was obsessed with his voice, and I later learned that fanfiction was written about him, so I got really into that, as well. I made a friend on a site called Buzznet (I no longer am active in the site), and we would swap and read our Stump fanfiction. Patrick helped me in more ways than anyone ever has, even though he never knew it (and likely never will), and I couldn't ever forget what he's done. Hence, any time I feel neglected or emotional or I want to cut really badly, I listen to Fall Out Boy (or Patrick's new solo single, "Love Selfish Love").

So while trolling this evening, I realized that I've never really allowed myself to mourn for the "indefinite hiatus (aka break up)" of the band that has helped me with a great deal in my past and present. I sit here typing this, about to cry and wanting so badly to just listen to all of their music on repeat for the rest of my life. It's like, every time I turn on one of their songs (usually one of my personal favorites and not singles) or read about them, I regress internally to the girl I used to be at twelve and thirteen, ignorant of the harsh realities of the world and just wanting to be loved and taken care of more than anything else.

Call it weird, call it being a "fan girl" or "groupie," call it whatever you want to, but it will always get to me every day for the rest of my life. I love that band to death, and the song I'll probably be singing in my head the day I die will be one by the (in)famous FOB from Chicago, IL.

Love,
Caitlyn