I've loved Graham for quite a bit of my life. He's been my everything for as long as I can remember. Whenever I had a problem, he was there, as was I there for him.
He confessed to me a little over a week ago that he had been seeing another girl for awhile and that he had never talked to his dad in the first place. I've been having a hard time with that, why wouldn't I, but my mood swings over the situation have been causing fights between Graham and me.
He's told me that he guarantees me a few things: that he'll marry me, that I'm his "number one," and that by the tenth of January he'll talk to his dad to set up a visit. He has failed to demonstrate time and time again that second guarantee.
I never expect that I come before school or family or soccer, but I do expect that I come far before some girl that he repeatedly tells me he'll be dumping anyway. I told him that this morning, and it caused another fight, and we haven't spoken in quite a few hours now.
I really am tired of him hurting me, regardless of how much I love him and want to be with him. It isn't right. If anyone else treated me this way, they'd be out of my life so fast they'd blink and poof.
Here's my break up, and please pardon the length and timestamps because I sent this over Skype (which I know he hasn't read yet):
I probably shouldn't do this over Skype messaging
[11:31:31 AM] Cait: I probably shouldn't do this at all
[11:31:47 AM] Cait: and I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that says I'm going to regret this
[11:31:54 AM] Cait: I love you, so much
[11:32:25 AM] Cait: you've been my everything for as long as I can remember
[11:32:35 AM] Cait: you've been my best friend, lover, and yet so much more
[11:32:47 AM] Cait: and I value you to an invaluable amount in my life
[11:33:33 AM] Cait: you say quite often you love me, that you care about me, that I'm your one and only, that I'm your true love, that you guarantee you'll marry me
[11:33:41 AM] Cait: in a way I believe you
[11:34:05 AM] Cait: and in a way I also believe you want me and need me
[11:34:15 AM] Cait: but I'm hurting too much
[11:34:23 AM] Cait: you're hurting me too much
[11:34:50 AM] Cait: when you say that I'm the most important thing in your life, I want to believe it
[11:34:56 AM] Cait: but you do too much that makes me not believe it
[11:35:06 AM] Cait: I'm taking a huge risk by doing this
[11:35:33 AM] Cait: it can go either one of two ways: you tell me you love me and ask me to stay and say you're willing to do anything to make me stay
[11:35:41 AM] Cait: or you'll be happy without me
[11:35:46 AM] Cait: I'm hoping for the former
[11:35:50 AM] Cait: but I understand the latter
[11:36:32 AM] Cait: because I know that I am quite a handful
[11:37:05 AM] Cait: unfortunately I can't deal with the uncertainty anymore
[11:37:11 AM] Cait: I'm not asking you to pick and choose
[11:37:17 AM] Cait: I'm not asking for anything
[11:37:27 AM] Cait: I do love you Graham Benson
[11:38:08 AM] Cait: and maybe sometime in the future, whether it be when you get these messages or anytime later than that, you'll be ready and want me to be with you forever and always
[11:38:32 AM] Cait: and when that happens, we can have our happily ever after
[11:39:14 AM] Cait: you know, the family and marriage and a beautiful wedding day and growing old together
[11:39:23 AM] Cait: I'll miss you
[11:39:41 AM] Cait: but I have to let you go, because I can't handle this anymore
[11:40:13 AM] Cait: please don't contact me whatsoever unless you want me back
[11:40:21 AM] Cait: please don't even tweet
[11:40:35 AM] Cait: I'm not mad or upset
[11:40:48 AM] Cait: but this needs to be done
[11:40:56 AM] Cait: again, I love you honey, so much it hurts
[11:41:19 AM] Cait: but I have to let you go until the day you realize what I truly am to you
[11:41:36 AM] Cait: goodbye Mr. Dazzle *kiss*
All of it is true, every last word. I do love him, and someday I hope to have our future together if life permits. But I can't do this if he's going to hurt me. If we're meant to be, everything will work out. If he called me up after reading it and asked me to stay, breaking up with Blair on the spot, I'd stay, but I'm not going to share him or be put into limbo of whether or not he'll be with me right now.
Until he reads it, we're still together, but once he does I'm single. I won't be looking for a boyfriend for awhile so I can avoid the TJ situation, but maybe I'll be ready one day.
Love,
Caitlyn
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
97 Actual Facts About Patrick Stump
*This list has been mostly posted through my Twitter. Here it is in-full (numbers may not match the Twitter ones exactly)*
1. Patrick can slam a revolving door.
2. Children are afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Patrick Stump.
3. Patrick Stump finished The Song That Never Ends.
4. Patrick Stump has two speeds: walk and stomp.
5. Apple pays Patrick Stump 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
6. Patrick Stump once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
7. When Patrick Stump says “More cowbell”, he MEANS it.
8. Patrick Stump can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
9. Patrick Stump is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
10. Patrick Stump is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
11. When Patrick Stump plays Fall Out Boy Trail, his band members do not die from sadness or homesickness, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, merch, and chicken nuggets on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
12. Patrick Stump is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
13. Patrick Stump can divide by zero.
14. There is no such thing as global warming. Patrick Stump was cold, so he turned the sun up.
15. The phrase "balls to the wall" was originally conceived to describe Patrick Stump entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
16. The Bible was originally titled “Patrick Stump and Friends.”
17. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Patrick Stump.
18. Patrick Stump does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
19. There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Patrick Stump.
20. The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Patrick Stump in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
21. If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Patrick Stump hears it. Patrick Stump can hear everything. Patrick Stump can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
22. Patrick Stump can speak Braille.
23. Patrick Stump was once a knight in King Arthur’s court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.
24. Patrick Stump once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn’t even in a bowling alley.
25. Patrick Stump is not only a noun, but a verb.
26. Patrick Stump’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Patrick Stump.
27. Patrick Stump has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
28. Patrick Stump doesn’t need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
29. When Patrick Stump falls in to water, he doesn’t get wet. Water gets Patrick Stump’d.
30. Patrick Stump is the 8th wonder of the world. Guinness just doesn’t know how many pages that documentation will take.
31. Patrick Stump can touch M.C. Hammer.
32. An agreement was made between the US and Russia that they would say an Russian satellite had fallen through the atmosphere, causing a widely heard sonic boom and flash. In actuality, it was Patrick Stump yawning and blinking as he woke up.
33. Patrick Stump once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Patrick Stump ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
34. Patrick Stump does not recognize irrational numbers. Patrick Stump is always rational.
35. Patrick Stump knows the last digit of Pi.
36. Patrick Stump knows the secret behind the subject of the Mona Lisa and the Last Supper.
37. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Patrick Stump is looking for it.
38. Patrick Stump met Chuck Norris once. Chuck Norris looked away shyly. They never met again.
39. There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Patrick Stump’s computer. Patrick Stump is always in control.
40. Patrick Stump destroyed the periodic table, because Patrick Stump only recognizes the element of surprise.
41. Patrick Stump’s smile once brought a puppy back to life.
42. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Patrick Stump.
43. Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Patrick Stump’s kindergarten class.
44. Patrick Stump always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
45. Patrick Stump can get Blackjack with just one card.
46. Not everyone that Patrick Stump is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
47. The active ingredient in Red Bull is Patrick Stump’s sweat.
48. Patrick Stump once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Patrick Stump re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
49. On his birthday, Patrick Stump randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
50. Patrick Stump drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
51. The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Patrick Stump was there. Then it’s usually covered in blood and tears.
52. There are no such things as tornados. Patrick Stump just hates trailer parks.
53. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Patrick Stump. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
54. On the SAT if you put Patrick Stump for every answer you will score over 8000.
55. Chuck Norris and Patrick Stump walked into a bar. The universe instantly imploded upon itself, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one plane of existence.
56. Patrick Stump did not “lose” his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
57. Patrick Stump once popped an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
58. Patrick Stump doesn’t say “Who’s your daddy”, because he knows the answer.
59. Patrick Stump can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
60. Patrick Stump didn’t need to do homework every night in school. He finished everything before each year started and handed it in on the first day.
61. Patrick Stump doesn’t pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
62. Patrick Stump doesn’t buy new hats. Hats fight to the death for the place of honor that is his head.
63. Patrick Stump never said the pledge in school. America pledges itself to Patrick Stump.
64. Patrick Stump can get the guards at Buckingham Palace shiver collectively in fear when he walks within their sight.
65. On December 20, 2012, the world is not ending. Patrick Stump will finally hold “The Brown Note”.
66. The eyes of nocturnal animals appear to shine in the dark because they hope to one night catch a glimpse of Patrick Stump.
67. Patrick Stump doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”
68. Patrick Stump doesn’t have one night stands. Women are just too afraid to go back for more.
69. Patrick Stump once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
70. The was no Exxon Valdez accident. Patrick Stump was talking dirty.
71. Patrick Stump’s body temperature is 98.6 degrees… Celsius.
72. Patrick Stump is the only infallible earthly authority. The pope calls for advice.
73. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Unless it meets Patrick Stump.
74. When the Ghostbusters can’t get rid of something, they call Patrick Stump.
75. Patrick Stump is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Patrick Stump.
76. An artist once tried to paint a portrait of Patrick Stump. The artist quickly realized there was no way to capture the perfection that is Patrick Stump on a mere canvas. The artist is still working on the mural.
77. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Patrick Stump once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
78. The version of “Il dolce suono” heard in The Fifth Element was originally written for Patrick Stump, who declined because it was too easy.
79. Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Patrick Stump’s sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
80. Patrick Stump sneezed. We called it the Big Bang.
81. Patrick Stump doesn’t need white out. Because Patrick Stump never makes a mistake.
82. If you spell Patrick Stump in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
83. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Patrick Stump told him to.
84. Patick Stump doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
85. Once you go Stump, you are physically unable to go back.
86. Nike’s slogan used to be “Just Do Patrick Stump” but they had to cut it for security purposes.
87. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Patrick Stump.
88. Smile, Patrick loves you.
89. Once you pop, you can’t stop Patrick Stump.
90. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Patrick Stump did.
91. Patrick Stump once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
92. When Patrick Stump dances, the human race has a spontaneous orgasm.
93. Patrick Stump doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
94. Patrick Stump single-handedly saved the whales. With his thighs.
95. Patrick Stump likes to knit sweaters in his free time. By “knit,” I mean “kick,” and by “sweaters," I mean “ass,"
96. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Patrick Stump.
97. When you ask Patrick Stump how old he is, he just replies “On the 7th day, I rested”.
I thought they were all very awesome and entertaining, and no I didn't write them.
1. Patrick can slam a revolving door.
2. Children are afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Patrick Stump.
3. Patrick Stump finished The Song That Never Ends.
4. Patrick Stump has two speeds: walk and stomp.
5. Apple pays Patrick Stump 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
6. Patrick Stump once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
7. When Patrick Stump says “More cowbell”, he MEANS it.
8. Patrick Stump can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
9. Patrick Stump is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
10. Patrick Stump is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
11. When Patrick Stump plays Fall Out Boy Trail, his band members do not die from sadness or homesickness, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, merch, and chicken nuggets on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
12. Patrick Stump is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
13. Patrick Stump can divide by zero.
14. There is no such thing as global warming. Patrick Stump was cold, so he turned the sun up.
15. The phrase "balls to the wall" was originally conceived to describe Patrick Stump entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
16. The Bible was originally titled “Patrick Stump and Friends.”
17. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Patrick Stump.
18. Patrick Stump does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
19. There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Patrick Stump.
20. The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Patrick Stump in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
21. If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Patrick Stump hears it. Patrick Stump can hear everything. Patrick Stump can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
22. Patrick Stump can speak Braille.
23. Patrick Stump was once a knight in King Arthur’s court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.
24. Patrick Stump once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn’t even in a bowling alley.
25. Patrick Stump is not only a noun, but a verb.
26. Patrick Stump’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Patrick Stump.
27. Patrick Stump has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
28. Patrick Stump doesn’t need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
29. When Patrick Stump falls in to water, he doesn’t get wet. Water gets Patrick Stump’d.
30. Patrick Stump is the 8th wonder of the world. Guinness just doesn’t know how many pages that documentation will take.
31. Patrick Stump can touch M.C. Hammer.
32. An agreement was made between the US and Russia that they would say an Russian satellite had fallen through the atmosphere, causing a widely heard sonic boom and flash. In actuality, it was Patrick Stump yawning and blinking as he woke up.
33. Patrick Stump once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Patrick Stump ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.
34. Patrick Stump does not recognize irrational numbers. Patrick Stump is always rational.
35. Patrick Stump knows the last digit of Pi.
36. Patrick Stump knows the secret behind the subject of the Mona Lisa and the Last Supper.
37. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Patrick Stump is looking for it.
38. Patrick Stump met Chuck Norris once. Chuck Norris looked away shyly. They never met again.
39. There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Patrick Stump’s computer. Patrick Stump is always in control.
40. Patrick Stump destroyed the periodic table, because Patrick Stump only recognizes the element of surprise.
41. Patrick Stump’s smile once brought a puppy back to life.
42. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Patrick Stump.
43. Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Patrick Stump’s kindergarten class.
44. Patrick Stump always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
45. Patrick Stump can get Blackjack with just one card.
46. Not everyone that Patrick Stump is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
47. The active ingredient in Red Bull is Patrick Stump’s sweat.
48. Patrick Stump once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Patrick Stump re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
49. On his birthday, Patrick Stump randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
50. Patrick Stump drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
51. The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Patrick Stump was there. Then it’s usually covered in blood and tears.
52. There are no such things as tornados. Patrick Stump just hates trailer parks.
53. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Patrick Stump. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
54. On the SAT if you put Patrick Stump for every answer you will score over 8000.
55. Chuck Norris and Patrick Stump walked into a bar. The universe instantly imploded upon itself, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one plane of existence.
56. Patrick Stump did not “lose” his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
57. Patrick Stump once popped an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
58. Patrick Stump doesn’t say “Who’s your daddy”, because he knows the answer.
59. Patrick Stump can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
60. Patrick Stump didn’t need to do homework every night in school. He finished everything before each year started and handed it in on the first day.
61. Patrick Stump doesn’t pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
62. Patrick Stump doesn’t buy new hats. Hats fight to the death for the place of honor that is his head.
63. Patrick Stump never said the pledge in school. America pledges itself to Patrick Stump.
64. Patrick Stump can get the guards at Buckingham Palace shiver collectively in fear when he walks within their sight.
65. On December 20, 2012, the world is not ending. Patrick Stump will finally hold “The Brown Note”.
66. The eyes of nocturnal animals appear to shine in the dark because they hope to one night catch a glimpse of Patrick Stump.
67. Patrick Stump doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”
68. Patrick Stump doesn’t have one night stands. Women are just too afraid to go back for more.
69. Patrick Stump once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
70. The was no Exxon Valdez accident. Patrick Stump was talking dirty.
71. Patrick Stump’s body temperature is 98.6 degrees… Celsius.
72. Patrick Stump is the only infallible earthly authority. The pope calls for advice.
73. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Unless it meets Patrick Stump.
74. When the Ghostbusters can’t get rid of something, they call Patrick Stump.
75. Patrick Stump is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Patrick Stump.
76. An artist once tried to paint a portrait of Patrick Stump. The artist quickly realized there was no way to capture the perfection that is Patrick Stump on a mere canvas. The artist is still working on the mural.
77. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Patrick Stump once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
78. The version of “Il dolce suono” heard in The Fifth Element was originally written for Patrick Stump, who declined because it was too easy.
79. Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Patrick Stump’s sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
80. Patrick Stump sneezed. We called it the Big Bang.
81. Patrick Stump doesn’t need white out. Because Patrick Stump never makes a mistake.
82. If you spell Patrick Stump in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
83. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Patrick Stump told him to.
84. Patick Stump doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
85. Once you go Stump, you are physically unable to go back.
86. Nike’s slogan used to be “Just Do Patrick Stump” but they had to cut it for security purposes.
87. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Patrick Stump.
88. Smile, Patrick loves you.
89. Once you pop, you can’t stop Patrick Stump.
90. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Patrick Stump did.
91. Patrick Stump once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
92. When Patrick Stump dances, the human race has a spontaneous orgasm.
93. Patrick Stump doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
94. Patrick Stump single-handedly saved the whales. With his thighs.
95. Patrick Stump likes to knit sweaters in his free time. By “knit,” I mean “kick,” and by “sweaters," I mean “ass,"
96. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Patrick Stump.
97. When you ask Patrick Stump how old he is, he just replies “On the 7th day, I rested”.
I thought they were all very awesome and entertaining, and no I didn't write them.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Patrick Stump, "Spotlight," and Soul Punk
I miss being an awesome, crazy, obsessed fangirl. I really do.
When I was, I didn't care about school or anything except music and Patrick Stump and Fall Out Boy. I wrote fan fiction stories about Patrick and FOB. I memorized every lyric and musical progression and wanted to actually learn their songs on at least the FUCT album. I had convinced my parents to buy me the Gibson SG (okay it's actually an Epiphone SG but anyway...) because Patrick Stump played that guitar. All I wanted was to meet the band and see them live; once I did, I'd be set for life.
Yes this is a fangirl post about things I've recently found trolling the fan blogosphere (and things that have been out awhile...).
Most importantly, Patrick is releasing his long-awaited and highly-anticipated solo album titled Soul Punk in February of 2011. Which makes sense, considering the Soul Punk shirt I bought off his website that I wore for a whole weekend straight.
After that, he released two versions of his first single "Spotlight": one he called "...(New Regrets)" and the other "...(Oh Nostalgia)." Both are awesome, but I prefer "Oh Nostalgia" if only for the depth and sexiness and orgasmic and quality of the vocals.
And now, two very very exciting things I found online, and even though there are no explanations for them that I've found they still make me extremely excited: Patrick is recording a video for "Spotlight" as proved through a video still (I think?), and he has a tour planned for a very soon time. All of this information can be confirmed on patrickstump.com or on various Patrick Stump or Fall Out Boy related tumblr accounts.
EDIT: Figured out where the picture came from!!! http://yfrog.com/h4fj8dj
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