Bet you all thought I was gonna talk about my emotions and feelings, not the beating organ inside of my chest.
It's been acting up lately. Intense, internal pressure and pain, random increases in beat, skipping beats. Not to mention the migraine headaches I've been having, the constant fatigue even after 11 hours of sleep, shaky hands, and dizziness. Not fun, and definitely not things I should be experiencing at 17 years old.
I've always known I would have heart issues eventually. My grandpa Holly died from a heart attack, my Meme had to have open heart surgery, my Poppy had high cholesterol and clogged arteries, and my dad has had plenty heart attack scares. I just figured that my family history wouldn't be relevant until I was about retirement age.
On doing some research inspired by a tv special about IVF (in-vitro fertilization: how I was conceived) kids, I looked up possible side effects on just being born from IVF. In addition to possible inheriting my parents' infertility (which alone scares the fuck out of me), the chemical reactions necessary in IVF have led to heart issues in children. Well fuck.
But wait; there's more! And it starts with a story. When I was first prescribed my birth control Yaz in 2009, it was pretty much brand new, so long-term side effects weren't released or exactly known yet. And with my eventual sexual activity, plus the pros of it decreasing acne and period flow/other symptoms, I jumped on it. Three years later, commercials are everywhere talking about blood clots, strokes, and heart problems in people who take Yaz, Yasmin, or BeYaz. The first commercial was in June, and I hadn't felt any of the things I mentioned earlier in this post. But then they started, and I got more worried, and then the symptoms became more frequent to the point of being daily.
Naturally, my mom took me to the doctor, who didn't like what I was describing. She did an EKG (normal) and ordered a 24-hour heart monitor (no results until later this week), all preluding a chest x-ray. I won't hear anything for another few days, at which point I'm going in with my mom to discuss changing birth control methods. Out of the many types of pills that are available for me to take, why do I have to take Yaz? I like the less acne thing, but I think I can deal with it for the sake of permanent health. Girls my age are going blind, having strokes, and dying from blood clots, with no common medical anything except for their birth control. And that is, understandably, terrifying. Ultimately, the decision is up to me whether or not I keep taking Yaz or if I change prescribed methods. As of now, I'm seriously debating getting off these hormones altogether in favor of condoms (the good ones, of course. Hello, Trojan Charged!). Too many long-term issues associated with the "cure" (only 99% at best) for a short-term issue (getting pregnant now: bad. Getting pregnant in like, 6 or 7 years: good). TJ will just have to bear with me on the condoms though, but I'm sure he'll be okay with it (the longer he lasts, the longer I get to go [tmi?]).
On other, happier notes! School's doing well. 16 more weeks this semester. Whew. College apps are done except for things out of my control (counselor requests...) and I'll be hearing back from them any day now. Cleaned up my future wedding plans (SO MAD DAVID'S BRIDAL GOT RID OF MY DAISY BUBBLES) and have a new IKEA obsession (all my basic furniture is all picked out, right down to baby #1's room). Prom dress is done, too, and it's a Taylor Swift-inspired design by Faviana in red. It's very old Hollywood glamour, and clexy (classic and sexy, courtesy of Say Yes to the Dress). There's even a slit that goes up my thigh. AND sweetheart neckline? You can't do better than that.
'Tis all for now. I'm thinking about switching over to my post-high school blog early, since it's synced with my current email, but this is supposed to be a high school memoir, and I'm still in high school until June. We'll see. At the very least, I'll do some crossover when I start registering for dorms and enrolling and doing all the exciting funding stuff, potential apartment searching, and everything else college-related I have to do in the last months of high school.
Love,
Caitlyn
