When I started this blog, I didn't really know what purpose it was going to serve other than a "diary" for me to express myself with. But, as time went on, it molded into more of "memoir" of sorts, for high school.
All my life I've heard that high school shapes who you are as a person, that what happens here can make or break you. Every thing that occurs, both positive and negative attributes to what you do later on in life. It changes people, and while I've been reluctant to admit it, I can tell it's been changing me. Not so much being in high school itself but being of high-school age. Of being a teenager. Yes, I've followed an atypical life path for a girl my age, but there have been similarities: broken hearts, struggling friendships, the tug-of-war with drugs and alcohol (the "to do it or not to do it" debate; not hardcore either), sex, insecurities, mood swings. All of it.
I'll be a junior this year, which makes this blog half-over. When I'm done, though, it won't get deleted. It'll be here, either for me to reflect on or I'll make this entirely public so others can read it, too. It helps people, or at least me, when they're going through something difficult and then they read that people have been there and have made it out okay. It doesn't make the feelings stop, but it helps make everything a little brighter.
Halfway also means there's another half to go. Another two years of life to talk about and discuss, except the next two are going to be slightly different. Freshman and Sophomore year are/were the years of testing out the water, of establishing yourself in high school and seeing where you'd like to go afterwards. You're young, you don't really have responsibilities (except special cases). But then comes Junior year, where you take the SAT and ACT. You can start going to Prom and not just Homecoming. You [hopefully] have your license, and maybe you even own a car, and so now you're driving; it's a taste of freedom. You're thinking about college a little more seriously than before because you know in a year from summer vacation you'll be a high school graduate and a college freshman. In a blink of an eye, senior year is on you, and you have to start applying to college, and hopefully not just to one college. And while you're writing out all those applications, you still have to keep your grades up. You still have to be with your friends and stay close. You're still worried about love and about yourself. Senior Prom comes by, and that's how you know you're high school time is over. Just like that.
I've had my time to be "young," but now I need to kick things into high gear. Graham's long gone, Jimmy's graduating this year (which means I need to figure shit out and fast), and I'm with someone I love, that I get along amazingly with, someone I can picture a life with and who pictures one with me (no promises this time around though). I've been searching for jobs. I have my dream car and my license. My grades are decent but they could be better (something I need to focus on now. Especially now). I picked my Bachelor's major (Psychology) and two Master's programs (Education Counseling/Marriage and Family Therapy). I've narrowed down my colleges to three, basically: DePaul, Rochester, and Central Florida. I qualify for 2/3 but money is an issue with a couple of them (out of state). I'm seeing now what I should have seen before but didn't. This is what's important.
Knowing that's all important, though, won't stop me from getting distracted as far as emotions are concerned. But that's what this blog is here for.
Thanks for listening.
Love,
Caitlyn
